I believe a life update is in order. As I’m writing this I am sitting huddled up in the corner of my sunken in mattress listening to French aesthetic music and wearing my new reading glasses. I’m over a month into my first legitimate job at Vale Food Co. and let me tell you… the days are truly hit or miss. Sometimes, I hate my job- some of my coworkers are lazy or micromanage, the company is going broke and threatening to cut us to minimum wage, I see the gross inside practices of food service that I can’t forget, my legs hurt from walking to and from school and my manager keeps cutting my hours. But a paycheck is a paycheck and having money is both a blessing and a curse. My coworkers keep telling me to enjoy what I have right now- disposable income, a rent free house, free groceries, friends at school etc. I know they’re right and honestly that scares me. I can feel the breath of adulthood grazing the hairs of my neck. It seems so close. Things are changing and I don’t feel ready. While in the past it was easy to look forward to independence, the closer I get the more daunting it seems. I don’t want to leave my family, my city, my friends. California seems way too far. I do want new experiences, new surroundings and new loves but damn why can’t I have both? I’m scared of disappointing my parents, failing at the real world, not getting into a ‘good’ college or getting into a ‘great’ college but losing out on that college experience. I’m at a crossroads and dang I feel conflicted. But never fear- there’s no point in worrying about things that I can’t control. Whatever will be will be. Que será, será.
Anya's Evocative Mind Palace 