We all have expectations. Expectations for ourselves, expectations for others. Subconscious ideas of what we SHOULD be doing versus what we ARE doing. It’s an endless circle and I for one am caught up in it.
When I glance into my slightly-dirtier-than-expected-mirror I see a girl who at 5 foot 2 and 3/4 inches is quite a few inches too short and just a few pounds too heavy. I ignore the fact that I am healthy, muscular, intelligent, deep, comical and a free soul- I push those facts away and replace them with my doubts. I succumb to mine and society’s expectations of who I should be. The idea that the my muscular thighs are too thick or my unavoidable stretch marks are disgusting.
But in the back of my mind I know that my stretch marks are not hideous. They are natural. I know that I am the one judging myself harshly- no one else cares nearly as much as I do. That they may notice how short I am- but they don’t think of it as a terribly sealed fate like I do.
I suppose we all have expectations. Judgements hidden in the depths of our minds, nagging at us as we try to live our lives. My goal is to block out these expectations- of my self specifically. Replace them with positive thoughts- knowledge of my intelligence, my positive vibes, my easy going nature. I am beautiful. I am funny. I can’t afford to be clouded with expectations. In fact, I will not be clouded by them. I will escape- slowly, steadily, from the depths of my mind palace and allow the world to see me as all that I am. Plainly. Simply. Lovely.